Grace and Gratefulness

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I think my friends see me as a serious mofo with a little silliness. So I begin with just this rambling about Grace....graciousness...grace. There are gifts and there is Grace. Grace is a beyond a gift. I tell my beloved that finding each other is a Grace. Everybody deserves to be loved and we are all our loved but finding community and people who are extraordinary doing the extraordinary is Grace. Most of us are struggling with the mundane..settling ..coping..tolerating...but to find a real heart love connection with people is Grace. We settle for aquaintances and think its friendship. Suzanne Pharr, at a recent workshop here in Arkansas last month, said that she felt like there are people in our communities that say they will show up at the march or vote this way or that way and feel this is a way to support causes and solidarity, but that there was much more depth that was needed than this.We are are needing and wanting something deeper. Grace is something deeper than a gift.Its not necessarily an action but an action with an heartful thought full depth of attention and intention. And its given without getting something back. Grace is a gift we dont deserve but we got it anyway. Grace is a crown we wear when we love evertyhing and everybody without fear. WITH OUT FEAR
Im just rambling..Ah, the holidaze...Im loving it...Last night, it was freezing and the Christmas lights are lit all colorful at the hospital where I met w Carl (Carlitos aka Medicine Man). We worked on healing his body. He told his temperture readings and did his Virgo statistics. I said Carl its snowing in South Texas numbers mean nothing...these are dangerous times and time of the impossible to be made possible.We are magic baby.
Overjoyed is all I felt and a gratefulness from him and me.Overjoyed. Can life be better than this? I love my life and work .recieve recieve recieve
This morning,Carlitos and I talked of fear and the joy we have for our beloved and our own selves.
We will lose many this season this time of danger.I am thinking about my family. friends keep asking me about my family and how I am with doing with losing 7 members of the most precious in Chihuahua, Mexico over Thanksgiving. I had to tell my 7 year old nephew amids my own shock. Did I tell him right?
I tell them I have been in shock and I broke down and wept after my brother told me about losing the grandchildren. All he could say was he didnt know what to do. I said all you can do is grieve. I wept as I saw the seven coffins and said my prayers as the marichi music y rancheras were being sung by the 500 or more Mejicanos familia and friends. What more else can we all do?
My mother said its too much tragedy. She said as she held back so much feeling, I cant handle it. I ask myslef how much tragedy and loss can a person handle? I worked on the survivors body-my sister in law. She recounts to everyone the grief, the horror of her grandbabies holding on to her, she shows us the claw marks from her granddaughter trying to hold on to her before the water swept her away from her.The last thing she sees is her granddaughters eyes. She is forever changed. My family is forever changed.
We are forever more grateful of each other and the beloved we have. We seemed to have lost what was really important and my family found it again. Not one of us was left untouched. Grace.
Our hearts are now wide open and we are always vulnerable.Grief if we choose or are forced to go thru it...let it transform us...is a blessing.
As people ask me, I thaw out of my numbness. I see they too are touched and they never even met them. Its as if the seven that died touched everyone and made us all more grateful.
Made us Grace